turn around (poem)

turn around and we’re sitting in your first room

we were the same kind of honest then, almost enough to reveal our hearts
the tv is pandora blue light and the music playing hasn’t been released yet
its blue glowstick perfect like the color you picked out for your son’s 3rd birthday
in this home he’s mine and looks like me but sounds like you
in laughter he is yours, in shyness and mine in smile
his eyes, doed earth green, yours

big with the innocence you lost
or gave to your mother to hold but she spent it on shitty weed and your step dad’s coke habit

you’re happy in this home because I’m once again the keeper of your tenderness
saturday morning domestic daydreams imprinted dinosaur pancakes in your nose
chorus rings good morning daddy and you swear you almost hear it
this time you don’t have to ask me to hold love in the windows

wake up

you held the phone tighter than your hopes that day because we are separated by thousands of miles and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to add more
it’s this life we stopped pretending, stopped acting like you could rubix cube your sadness into something functional
something at least a little bit impressive if you could do it under two minutes

you blink and it is just me and you on the edge of the bed now

our limbs can feel each other in the negative space between the absence of a together we knew

I wish I knew who I was writing about

I could call it “you” but that was so long ago that I can’t remember the look of it
all my memories smell like cotton and eucalyptus when they’re lying to me
I can’t fully believe that you weren’t made in my imagination all along

but sometimes you rose to the occasion
entered dreamland and wore the clothes of your potential to our date night
lied to my face, your reward was still me
sweet
dewy the way your dick likes

tonight you remember how I fuck when I’m loved

we’ve been fucking in reverse
more stranger with each power thrust
you have come so far inside me it leaks from my neck and evaporates

the moment I was finally without you felt like euphoria