the first time I wrote this poem it was Nov. 2017 (poem)

11/16/2017//04/06/2020

i lie in futile wait
                              -my turn tends to come too close to never because I’m usually the first body in the room
I take the first step in the direction you’re pulling so hard away from
even when you’re not you

walking, I passed Forgiveness on the road a while back, drinking herself silly at the bar in the 24-hour restaurant you drunk texted her to meet you at for the long awaited reconciliation you promised years ago
ignoring the fact that you probably passed out after pressing send 

I stopped trying to get her to go home, she’s stubborn and believes in you more than I do
she still remembers how much you loved to sleep wrapped around a warm us-type
perfect temperature in the morning to slide between
and kiss lies into

I used to think like her
I used to join her on her binges, drawn to “our place” with another one of your drunk moments of vulnerability that disappeared at the first light of sobriety

we know you only text us at night

we know you get brave enough and serious enough and open enough and honest enough to let us in for a second because the darkness is your security blanket and the alcohol is your insurance policy
you know truth from the lips of angels
we know that’s what you liked to call us

Closure used to pour our drinks as we compared the texts you sent wondering if this time is different and he tells us that we should wait and see
he goes in the back to tell you nothing’s changing
to laugh 

I met a different Closure, leaving
he’s funny, smart, tall
I met Peace, leaving
hand outstretched to lace perfectly in mine 

at the end of road you’ve pulled so hard from, there is me
far from alone, like you dreamed

a new Forgiveness is walking next to me, now
telling me that even though you aren’t sorry we forgive you and New Closure holds my other hand with a kiss and lets my heart be free

I hope you enjoy the road, should you choose to walk it
I was tired of waiting my turn